Back Online

Our school system in Dominica is back online again, although the Ministry Of Education (MOE) previously said we would have face to face for the second term. Unfortunately, due to another surge in cases after the Christmas holidays, we’ve been forced to go virtually. I know it’s hard for everyone in different ways but I really prefer the online platform. Sadly, I’ve discovered that my boys are face-to-facers and such this is not a good thing. My youngest does better within a classroom environment because he loves attention and is easily distracted. The older one spends too much time in chat groups even while during classes (which seems normal) and so he failed his first term, first year. I was horrified, sorely disappointed! I fooled myself into believing he would do better. Learned my lesson. I keep forgetting this giant before me is still a little boy and as such has to be treated like one.

I really don’t mind face to face. The children need to run around and stretch and be “normal” children. When this is taken from them, they grow to be a generation we don’t know and understand. Maybe we don’t spend enough time with them because we too are busy. So they grow up on their own basically online. My fear now is mostly because the youngest has to go to school on his own or come home alone. Whereas, his older brother was with him, when they went to the same school. I know he’s not responsible enough to come home alone – but it has to be done at one point.

Now, as this Corona-virus issue has changed everything for everyone even continents away, I feel frustrated with everything. I don’t know who’s not cleaning or sanitizing their hands or coughing uncontrollably into the air or just being plain nasty. So I wonder, will they be safe? Will they take precaution? Will someone look out for them or will they take advantage of the fact they are minors. For these reasons I prefer online. At least I know what they do at home. Right now, my next step is to teach them home economics. I hope this term we can all do better as we go back online. I need to monitor their school work constantly and set routines so we can all follow. Don’t know if the entire year will be virtual so right now, I’m hoping for the best.

This is HARD….I don’t know how people do it and win. However they do it, I want to know because I want to win too. I’m not alone raising our boys. I’m married to a wonderful man who works hard day and night to keep a roof over our heads and food on our table. Although I work, I also have to do my best to raise the boys the best way I know how. I’m home most of the time because I’m a cashier and work via shift system. Because of this, I spend more time with them than their dad and I think somewhere along the road I may have failed them.

The boys are growing rapidly. So fast that I have to double up on everything that I have laid back on for the past years, literally. In my mind they are still these cute, cuddly babies that we all doted on, but when they speak and we look at them, hey, these are men-looking boys. You know what I mean? They speak and what comes out is this bass sound that even my husband is frightened of. Where did that come from? And they’re tall. What am I living with? These tall stick-like creatures who live with me. Hey, I’m not so naive. I do know that these changes would come – eventually. And that is what I was sort of hoping for – eventually. I can’t deal with all this hormonal growth! I’m still trying to shift from primary school mentality to what is before me. I need help. LOL.

I keep forgetting their age. Oh Lord, I do. In my mind they are what they look like and not 10 and 12 year olds. I have to learn to treat them like children with the same love and respect that pre-teens should get. But, I’ll tell you…it is hard. This morning, this young boy before me was angry with me and I was scared. He was mad because he feels we prefer his younger brother over him. And his anger was not justified but he needed to vent and that he did. I was mad at him too. Since he feels he has a right to disobey whatever I tell him, and justify it with preference over his brother, he was punished. I did not feel sorry but just as angry over the entire situation. He is probably testing the waters, to see how far he can get away, but I have been warned by my husband that I have allowed too much freedom when they were younger and now it may be backfiring. So, I will put a stop to the testing before it starts. I may have failed them when they were a bit younger, but they are not grown men and I pray for God’s divine help to move me in the right direction. They shall not be wayward – not on my watch!